By Caroline Clemmons
My mom was ac wonderful
mother who kept her family foremost in her mind and heart. But, as much as I
loved her, I know she wasn’t perfect. Who is?
Many of her sentences opened
with the same phrase—if only. My father used to tease her with, “Mae, if it was
raining money, you’d complain about the small change.” She usually responded
with an annoyed huff. This phrase is part of our family memories that we recall
with humor.
Lately though, I’ve caught
myself saying “If only….” about things I wish I’d done. If only I’d told my Dad
how much I admired him. If only I’d told that Virginia what a rat she was. If
only I’d done more to help my mom. If only I’d saved more money. Sigh. I have
hundreds of “if onlys” clogging my mind.
Probably the recent passing
of my dear husband launched me on this train of thought that has me examining the past. I know it’s not
productive. More than likely it’s not healthy.
Our minister gave a
memorable sermon titled “Nostalgia” in which he addressed the healthy and
unhealthy ways of examining the past. His sermon stepped on my toes, but it’s still my favorite
of his always meaningful sermons. For one thing, the past can’t be changed. Don’t
look back longingly, wishing you could return to another time. Instead, honor
the past while making the most of today.
If only I can do that.
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