Old Friends by Bea Tifton

I'm filling in for my friend Beth Trissel today. 

When I was a little girl, we sang a song that went, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold. “

I have many friendly acquaintances, but I’m lucky enough to have some close ones.  One of the nicest things about having close friends that have been friends for several years is that we learn each other’s idiosyncrasies, and they become one of the reason we love them.  I have a friend who is rather eccentric. During the Pandemic, I got a Christmas card from her, a photo card featuring her holding her cherished fur baby. And they both had matching lipstick.

I have a dear friend who hates traffic circles. Haaaattteeesss them. I love them, and the smaller roundabouts designed to slow down traffic, too. It’s understood that if we’re going to have a girl’s day at the antique mall off of a major traffic circle, I will drive. She’ll be gritting her teeth while I’m yelling, “Wheeeeeee!”

Another friend is extremely interested in the Titanic. I was wandering around FB a few days ago and saw a post with some great factoids and photos of the doomed ship before it sailed. I promptly sent the post to her. It made me think about the fact that I have friends who have been friends long enough that we know those little things about one another. And remember them.

Which brings me to my point. Finally, right?  It’s that the treasure we have in old friends is that we really know each other, we share a past, times we laughed and times we cried.  I know about special interests or hobbies, and when I encounter something that reminds me of that person, it’s like I’m carrying that person with me.  And at times, I’ve taken photos or purchased something for someone and sent it to them, which lets that friend know I thought about them and that I care.  And my friends reciprocate. No matter how busy we are, we manage to at least send a text just checking in with each other.  And when we do reconnect, it’s like we’ve never been apart.

 

If you have friends like these, treasure those friendships. They’re pure gold. 

Photo Credits from Pexels
Abgreat Ann "Portrait of Woman Hugging Shiba Inu Dog"
cottonbro studio "Woman Wearing a Headscarf in a Convertible Car"
Aline Viana Prado "Woman Wearing Black Sunglasses"

cottonbro studio "Person Holding White Picture Frame"

You've Got to Have Friends by Bea Tifton

 

I was talking with a group of friends from church that I hadn’t seen in, well, two years. One friend made the astute comment that for us, life would always be divided into two eras, PrePandemic and PostPandemic. We digested this bit of wisdom and agreed. I realize the pandemic isn’t completely over, but the rat race is being run once again.

As an introvert, I wasn’t affected as badly by the lockdown. No meetings to attend? Great. No being pushed and pulled as I trudged through the big box stores for groceries or other items? Wonderful. But almost all people, even introverts, need human interaction. To be part of a tribe, one’s natural family or the family one has picked. And let’s face it, maintaining quality friendships takes work.

I read a great article talking about “friendship fade.”  She admitted that over the course of the pandemic, many of her friendships had petered out. I tried to make a point of texting people. I zoomed for Sunday school socials, and I even talked on the phone with friends, which for me is a big deal. But, we’re all Zoom fatigued. We’ve played all the icebreaker games we can handle. And there’s not much to discuss when we’re not doing much. I read voraciously, so I talked books with people, and I have pets and family who provided fodder for witty anecdotes, but…

I was surprised at the people who disappeared, what a millennial might call “ghosting.” I had a church friend who wasn’t responsive to my texts. A former coworker told me flat out she didn’t want to set aside certain times to text or to zoom. One former colleague and I pledged to support each other through good times and especially through the bad ones. He doesn’t even respond to my texts or emails. A 20 year friendship is just gone.   I admit, that one stung the most. I never would have thought it would

be a casualty of world events.  But some people experienced the pandemic differently. I mean, I have lost family and friends to Covid.  My favorite cousin and a friend in my bookclub died, but we couldn’t attend the funerals due to Covid restrictions. My  mother almost passed away, and now she’s on oxygen 24/7 for the rest of her life, her hearing is gone, and her eyesight has been affected.  I was deeply affected by anxiety over the state of the world. Many people were immobilized by anxiety. They Just. Couldn’t. And I am keeping that in mind and trying to give those people the grace they need and deserve.

But I know from reading books like The Blue Zone that in person friendships add years to one’s life. We need those groups. People we would want in our lifeboat--even through, or especially through, life’s worst moments. We’ve emerged scarred but resilient from lockdowns with all the life changes the pandemic brought. It’s time to reconnect.

 Call a friend. Stop by with one of those sourdough or banana bread loaves you learned to bake during the lockdown. Go back to church or club meetings. Man your lifeboats once again. Facebook friends can be good friendships, but people are pack animals. We need face to face, heart to heart friendships. Connections. Zoom can’t hand you a tissue or high five you, hold your hand or give you a needed kick in the rear.

And if the friendship can’t be revived? Maybe you learned all you needed to learn from that person and it’s time to grieve, then move on. Reconnecting is different from chasing after people who are through with you. Cherish the true friends who have withstood all our PostPandemic challenges  with loving hearts and supportive words. Don’t put it off. Call or go see a friend you haven’t seen since PrePandemic.  They are thinking of you and they will be delighted that you made the first move.  Truly, Friend Reader. I think they will.

Buettner, Dan. The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest.

O’Malley, Katie. “I’m suffering from Friendship Fade” https://www.elle.com/uk/life-and-culture/culture/a34346452/friendship-fade/

Photo Credits:

ELEVATE: "Four Women Chatting While Sitting on Bench"

George Milton: "A Woman Reading a Book Near the Shelf While Sitting on the Floor"

Andrea Piacquadio: "Woman Sitting on Chair While Leaning on Laptop"

David Geib: "White Boat on Body of Water"

Pixabay: "Person Holding Baked Pastry Covered With Towel"

Marcus Aurelius: "Friends Hugging on the Street"

Connections by Bea Tifton

During the course of the Covid pandemic, many people have felt disconnected. I’ve been thinking about the concept of feeling connected, and of the many connections people make. Obviously, romantic chemistry can spark an instant connection, but I’m talking about platonic friendships we form. 

 I have always felt a bit out of step with the rest of the world. When I was growing up, I was painfully shy. Painfully. I did always have friends, but just a few, and I’m told I can be a difficult person to get to know. When I became a teacher, I discovered that I needed to be able to string a few intelligent sentences together when I met someone, a parent for instance, and I learned to, well, fake it. Not that I’m a fake person. I merely learned to make conversation with people I

just met. I also volunteer for a homeless program and I can chat with our homeless guests easily now.

As for friends, I still only have a few I consider close friends, and I'm very private. I appear to be more comfortable around people, but I am still very shy and I feel out of step in a world to which I dance to my own tune. 

Every now and then, I meet someone with whom I just click. Some believe that these are people we knew in past lives or even in Heaven before we came to live on Earth, and it's just a case of one soul recognizing the other one. I have a friend who is a therapist, and she maintains that it just means the person reminds us of someone we already know and like or with whom we've had some positive experience. 

Whatever it is, it’s funny how we feel that connection. I met someone who advertised on Nextdoor that her husband was thinning plants and that anyone who came by could have some. I’d admired this yard since I moved into the neighborhood , so I showed up. I discovered they are both delightful, generous people. And the woman, my friend now, loves mysteries as much as I do, so I’ve been invited to join her mystery book club as soon as they start meeting again. We discovered we had a lot in common. Funny how we connected. 

Some of my best friendships have started out that way. Some random meeting. I met a woman who is now a  dear friend of mine when she came to speak to my Sunday school class. We started chatting via email and went out to lunch a couple of times before Covid shut us down. We text regularly and she’s been a source of laughter and support to me these past few months.

I’ll always be shy, I think. I just can’t help it. But I hope I continue these friendships I’ve formed for many years to come. Even during the stay at home I’ve felt our connection and it’s kept me from feeling isolated.

 

Have you ever made a friend easily and quickly from some random circumstances? Leave an answer in the comments below.