This is that week where time means nothing. What is time, even?
In my household we call it Cheese Week because of this meme:
This is that week where time means nothing. What is time, even?
In my household we call it Cheese Week because of this meme:
I wrote most of this in 2018. I was surprised at how relevant it still felt when I happened onto it.
Every now and then…well,
most days, I look out the west window of my office at the trees and the fields
and the big round bales of hay that manage to convince me they are deer if I
only see them out of the corner of my eye. And I get philosophical. I’m not
sure if that comes with age or experience or weariness, but there it is. I find
myself with tears on my face and not knowing where they came from or why
they’re there. I laugh out loud here in the silence of this beloved room, yet
am unable to pinpoint what’s so funny.
This morning, in this quiet place, I’m thinking about Christmas. I’m not “feeling it” very much so far this year. As long as I’m with family or friends, I can find it in the laughter and music that is shared there, but the feeling leaves me too soon. There is still the blessing to be found in believing, the joy in giving, and the rush of pleasure that comes with lights and wide-eyed children.
And yet.
There
is so much depression at this time of year, so much loneliness, so much
awareness of what we don’t have. Relationships may have changed or disappeared
through the year. Loss might have become such a part of you that it seems to
have its own heartbeat. You may try to go back to sleep when you wake in the
morning because facing the day is just…well, it’s beyond you. You just can’t.
Yes,
you know how lucky you are and how wonderful life is and that soon you will
feel better. You get the thing with counting your blessings and faking it until
you make it and smiling even though it makes your cheeks wobble and your eyes
water. You get all of that.
But
now it is Christmas and even though you love the lights and the kids and the
excitement and the music, you’re kind of overwhelmed, too. You don’t feel like
you think you should. You might be angry for no identifiable reason. You might
feel compelled to make someone else feel bad because…I don’t know why. Maybe
just because. Your own pain from loss and change you didn’t want may threaten
to take over your life and take you down with it.
This
is when you need to find your west window, even if you don’t know you have one.
But you don’t have to do it alone. If you need help, it is up to you to make
the call. It is when you must remember…you MUST remember…that it’s not just
you. That lots of people are in the same place as you, even ones you think have
perfect lives. The Size Twos. The ones with perennially good hair and always
full wallets and kids who behave in the grocery store and spouses who know what
they’re thinking.
But there’s fear, isn’t
there?—that’s hard to get around. If you’ve been hurt, it could happen again.
You could lose all the emotional gains you’ve dragged up from inside yourself
in just an instant and the next time it will be even worse because you’ve talked
to somebody about it and now they know. They know, but they care. If it happens
again, and real life tells us it very well might, they’ll still care.
It’s dark now, a morning later, sitting here beside the west window. The office Christmas tree is covered in white lights but only a few ornaments because I never finished decorating it. The desktop is the same mess it always is, with memories showing up sometimes in the piles, stirring the laughter or the tears or both.
There…as the sun comes up
in the opposite window, a deer makes his light-footed way through the field.
It’s not quite light enough to see him, but I’m almost sure…but it’s not. It’s
a round bale, as beautiful in its way as the deer would have been.
I shouldn’t give advice—I
am as unqualified to do so as anyone could possibly be—but advice comes, I am
convinced, not from thinking you know it all but from caring about the person
you’re talking to. But even as I spill out here what I think you should do, I
know that the best thing anyone can do for someone else, much better than
giving advice, is to listen.
And the best thing you can do for yourself is the giving I mentioned earlier. Whether it’s gifts or time or just a listening ear or a terrible joke. Take an angel from a giving tree, hang mittens on another, ring a bell, visit someone who doesn’t normally get visitors. Instead of scrolling with your phone, call someone and talk on it. They’ll be glad to hear your voice. If you’re not a phone talker (there are those of us around), text. Write a letter or send a card. The truth is, if you’re thinking about someone else, you give yourself a rest.
So, if you’re having a
rough holiday season, whatever the cause, find your own west window and things
that give comfort—even if they’re round bales instead of deer. There is hope
and love and sharing to be found and I hope you find all of it. I hope I do,
too.
Merry Christmas.
Caroline Clemmons is a little under the weather, so I am filling in today.
We celebrate Christmas in my family. Leading up to the big day, my mother and I have several things we like to do. Mom and I love Christmas decorations. LOVE them. We have way too many of them, but still we buy more. Since we combined households, it looks like Christmas threw up in our house as we drag box after box out of the garage. My poor father was a bit of a minimalist, but he gritted his teeth and didn't say anything. This year I have replaced our not so great tree with a new, more realistic looking one. We have to have artificial because everyone in the family is allergic to the real ones. But we cover our tree in ornaments, unwrapping memories and telling stories as we decorate.One year at my parents' house, we were decorating a tree we'd had for many years. There was a terrible noise, and the tree pulled out of its base with a groan and fell over onto the hard tile. Beloved ornaments shattered. My mother had tears in her eyes as Dad and I scrambled to same the ones we could. After that, even with the new tree, Dad secured it to the wall.
Even our yard is decorated. My father did a wonderful job with that. In recent years we had a younger, more spry man put up the actual house lights, but Dad took care of the lawn decorations. We don't use those inflatables, but we had two lighted deer, one that moves, an angel, and some lighted candy canes. The candy canes came from a neighbor who was tired of them. They were the older, bigger, well made ones. Mom had wanted some for years and I was proud of my acquisition. The yard looked fabulous. One night, someone stole all of the candy cane lights. They came back for the angel the next night but my dogs barked and the thieves dropped it. Mom was crushed and we were very disappointed. My neighborhood usually doesn't have problems with theft and we felt so violated. The following year I bought some new candy canes to replace the original ones, but they were newer, smaller, and not as well made. This year, I'm not sure I can get everything up and running but we do have the house lights connected and on a timer.
Mom and I love to drive around looking at Christmas lights. There is an older, wealthy neighborhood close to us and each year there is a house tour. We like to drive through the neighborhood and look at all of the beautiful displays. In the next town, there is a neighborhood famous for their Christmas lights. People come from miles around to see them and the entire neighborhood participates. Displays run from quirky to traditional and there are even some Hanukkah lights. The houses are beautiful, many of them what I would call mansions, and there are several people with hot chocolate or popcorn stands. It's free and there's such a fun small town feel in the middle of a bustling metroplex.
There are several stores that have huge Christmas inventories. Mom and I love to stroll through each year just looking. We usually do end up buying one or two new ornaments. What can I say? It's a sickness.
The entire family watches Christmas movies. There are several we never miss, such as the original Miracle on 34th Street and the Muppet Christmas Carol. Dad and I both love A Christmas Carol and we drove Mom crazy by watching every version we could find. Mom loves the Hallmark Christmas movies and we try to watch a lot of them.
This year, we aren't sure what we are doing. We're going to be somewhat subdued. We lost my father in late May and we're still heartbroken, of course. It seems strange to just do what we always do and thinking of past Christmases make us sad at this point. Some day we may be able to smile as we remember my father but this year, feelings are still too raw. And my mother's grief for her own parents and other people we've lost has been sharpened. We will do something just to maintain some sense of normalcy. One thing this year has taught us is that we never know how much time we will have together so we need to take time to celebrate these occasions as they come. And to celebrate each other by spending time together.
What traditions do you have leading up to whatever holiday you celebrate in December? Leave a comment below.
Photo Credits:
Pexels.com
Nick Collins "Shallow Focus Photography of Green Christmas Tree"
Cottonbro Studios "Facade of a House with Christmas Decorations"
Natalia S "Festive Christmas Lawn Display with Lights"
Magaly Taboada "Festive Christmas Wreath on Green Door"
Pixabay "Four Yellow Lighted Candles"
Cottonbro Studios "Christmas Socks Hanging at a Fireplace"
Or Are They...
I've always found Thanksgiving Gratitude Posts to be fairly cliche. Maybe it's because we see them every year, or maybe because I would have my students write them...I don't know, in my mind, they just aren't something I've ever wanted to write. And then this year I got a gratitude journal. You're supposed to write little things, like I'm grateful for a hot cup of coffee on a cold morning, or I'm thankful that it rained. It really forced me to look at all of the little things I'm actually grateful for. And it stopped feeling forced. It started feeling like something I would look forward to writing.
Readers, I think I've changed my mind. I think I like Thanksgiving posts now.
I'm thankful for you. First and foremost, I'm thankful for anyone anywhere who has ever read my words. Whether it's social media, blog posts, or my books, I'm thankful that there are people out there who enjoy my words and my voice.
I'm also thankful for libraries on rainy days. I'm thankful for good music. I'm thankful for discovering new bands, and finding something new to obsess over in my free time. I'm thankful for my cozy blankets and favorite sweatshirt. I'm thankful for freshly baked cookies, and pumpkin pies, and hot cocoa.
I'm also grateful at how many of you have loved my latest story, Kate and Kyle's wedding short DREAMS OF THE FUTURE. Thank you all. And feel free to post what you're thankful for!
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Google Play | D2D | Goodreads
by Judy Ann Davis
Thanksgiving is the time for us to individually be thankful for many things in our lives. It's my favorite holiday of the year. It’s a special day when we don’t have to go into a meltdown mode chasing down the perfect gifts for everyone on our Christmas list. The real gift is simply being able to gather family and friends together to eat, talk, share stories, and enjoy all those tempting dishes—like to-die-for corn bread stuffing, pecan and pumpkin pies with mounds of whipped cream, and the ever-famous turkey baked to a golden brown in the oven or a deep fryer.
In the northern states, Thanksgiving also is a reminder that Old Man Winter is on his way with flying fat snowflakes and sparkling white snowbanks. For many, the national holiday also heralds the start of the holiday season as stores and shops blare carols, hymns, and contemporary songs of Christmas from their speakers. And Christmas music is something I can get behind, even if I dislike shopping for presents.
As a reminder, my “Musical Christmas Series,” consisting of three novellas, is available. Each female in the three-book series plays a musical instrument and has a story to tell. My first one, JUNE ~ The Pianist, is followed by ADELENE ~ The Violinist, and finally , LUCY ~ The Clarinetist. All are available on Amazon.
LINK: June ~The Pianist
The women would be in the kitchen, all talking at once. I was young enough that I neither knew nor cared what they were talking about. The men would be in the living room talking about farming or their workplace. If it was after dinner, a few of them would be snoring.
The kids were all over the place. Little girls playing with dolls, boys playing board games or the 78 rpm records on Aunt Nellie's Victrola, teenage girls staying away from the younger ones. They'd sit together at a table and talk in low tones and compare lipstick shades. Sometimes their voices would drop to a whisper and everyone would know the subject was ... shh ... boys.
Things were never exactly like this after I grew up. I missed Aunt Nellie's house, the Victrola, and the cousins. But then, new places, people, and traditions took their place. We had our own kids, who in turn married and had their own. We seldom all make it on holidays, because our family is spread far and wide.
But, even though I'm the oldest cook in the family, my son-in-law usually does the turkey--yay! My daughter-in-law roasts the best vegetables in the oven. My other daughter-in-law is the pie queen and my daughter makes cookies and deviled eggs. Lots of both. I just fill in where there are any blank spots.
The TV with football is on in the corner, teenagers are gaming in front of the one in the basement. We're all talking and laughing, eating cookies, and drinking wine. Later in the afternoon, some of us converge at the mostly cleared table to play games.
We make a lot of noise, and even though not much else is the same, the kind of noise it is is just as perfect as it was then. Just as inviting. The separation by gender doesn't happen as much now, if for no other reasons than our houses are more wide open; we don't have walls between our kitchen areas and our living rooms. At our Thanksgiving celebrations, we don't seem to have generational walls, either. I love that. I love being with family, period, and it is my greatest gratitude of all.
Wishing you the happiest and noisiest of Thanksgivings!
Available now! A story from the Christmas Town series and a special bonus read!
Amazon: https://a.co/d/5InLKmJ
Everywhere else: https://books2read.com/u/4j6G92
When Ellie Griffith comes to Christmas Town, Maine, to sell socks, her overachieving family accuses her of running away and extending her lifelong habit of never finishing anything she starts. In her heart, broken by being left nearly at the altar, she thinks they’re probably right, but she has to try one more time. The last thing she wants to do is meet a man. Patrick Nolan, the seasick-prone, dyslexic son of a fisherman and a librarian, owns a Christmas tree farm outside of Christmas Town. He’s grown used to being the family disappointment and loves the direction his life has gone. He’d like to have a family of his own, but his history of rushing into relationships has left him gun-shy about love. But then the manager of the new sock store slips on the ice right in front of him. Maybe, just maybe, the stories of magic in Christmas Town are true.
Like many home chefs, I've been shopping for those items along with sweet potatoes, fresh cranberries, and turkey.
Yes, it's time here in America where we plan Thanksgiving dinner with as much organization and intelligence gathering—is anyone at the table allergic to pecans?—as a general planning a military campaign.
The menu is set for the big day, the board games are selected, tasks are assigned, and all that is left is to feed the houseguests who will arrive the night before the big feast.
Fortunately, a hearty bowl of gumbo, salad, and home baked crusty French bread are easy to prepare in advance. I know those are universally liked by everyone showing up at my house for the Thanksgiving Eve dinner. To finish the simple meal with panache, I'll fix a chocolate cherry dessert that will get rave reviews when served hot—with vanilla ice cream for those who like an extra kick of sweetness.
That recipe is my Thanksgiving gift to you! It's super easy and is loved by most people who try it. Yes, it's an old-fashioned dump cake and must have been created by some busy woman who was a genius at making something delicious, easy, and time saving.
No, it's not low calorie or low fat, but it's a once a year treat so enjoy!
Ingredients
2 cans cherry pie filling
1 box of chocolate cake mix
1 stick of butter, salted or unsalted
1 9x13 baking dish
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. (190 degrees C.)
2. Prepare the casserole dish by spraying with Pam or something similar that doesn't have a distinctive flavor.
3. Spread the cherry pie filling evenly in the dish.
4. Sprinkle the cake mix evenly over the top of the cherry filling but don't mix it in.
5. Cut the stick of butter into pats and place them evenly all over the top of the cake mix.
6. Bake for 45 minutes or until bubbly.
7. Remove from the oven and let stand at least 10 minutes so it won't scald anyone's mouth when they eat it.
Last spring my brother-in-law got married. There was some confusion about what to wear, so I bought several dresses and had the intention of returning the ones that didn't work out. Well, one dress wound up being a knockoff of the real one. Thanks Amazon. it's not as well-made and very obviously not the same dress. My daughter told me it looks like a fairy princess costume. And it does actually remind me of costume material rather than wedding guest gown material. However it wasn't returnable. So I have a fairy princess costume I will be wearing on Halloween. I just need a flower crown and some wings.
While I finally have a use for this wedding guest dress, I know I can't be the only one who has outfits with nowhere to wear them. I saw online this fun idea of having a Nowhere To Wear It themed party and I desperately want to do this. Everyone meets up at a restaurant/pub/cafe/place of choice, and they are dressed in their Never Got To Wear It Outfit. The posts I've seen make this look so fun! Friends dressed to the nines, all in a fantastic outfit, and the best part is that everyone has one!
I need to convince my book club to do this at our next meeting!
What is your Never Got To Wear It/Nowhere To Wear It outfit?
And speaking of weddings, don't forget that Dreams of the Future, my wedding short story set in the Fatal Instincts universe is out now!
All dresses are fabulous and the men are in kilts, even the groomsman who is dragged in last-minute and has to borrow clothes!
Amazon | Barnes & Noble | Kobo | Google Play | D2D | Goodreads
by Judy Ann Davis
October gave a party;
The leaves by hundreds came…
The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,
And leaves of every name.
The Sunshine spread a
carpet,
And everything was grand,
Miss Weather led the dancing,
Professor Wind the band.
~George Cooper, "October's Party"
But there’s a certain sadness to autumn. It’s a warning that the year is ending, that we’re growing older. We’re maturing. It is a time to contemplate the reason for our being and for our purpose. It’s a time to be thankful for our lives, to re-evaluate our errors, to realign our goals, and to strive towards that which makes us happy . . . and our world a sweeter place.
Above are the poem and excerpts from my very first online blog, for October 2011, fourteen years ago. Since graduating decades ago from Point Park University with a degree in journalism and communications, I’ve realized my entire life has been dedicated to pounding the typewriter or computer keys to string words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs.
I’ve written for television, radio, education, industry and business. I’ve composed copy for commercials and public service announcements for radio, television, and news outlets. I’ve written grants, curricula, and news articles. I’ve taxed my brain while collecting facts for nonfiction, and stretched my imagination for fiction. I’ve written with tight deadlines of only a few hours; and I’ve procrastinated for days, knowing I had a loose lengthy deadline.
All writers know the feeling of rejection—as well as the joys of being published. Awards are also wonderful to receive, but there is no better feeling for writers than the minute they finish a tough piece of writing, and they know they’ve given one hundred percent of their time, energy, and talent. The elation, which may only be a smile or nod or sigh to the outsider, can’t compare to the joy and relief they feel as the thoughts in their heads do a happy dance.
Someone once asked me what I thought were the main ingredients needed to become a writer. There are many, but personally for me, the main abilities are curiosity, an imagination, persistence, and a love for reading.
As October brings us falling leaves, falling temperatures, and maybe even falling snow, I leave you with this quote from Somerset Maugham: